Countdown of the Top Most Retold Embarrassing Childhood Stories About Me By My Family That I Don't Even Remember Happening
#4: When I was a baby, I would play with my mom's hair as she held me. For some reason, I made a pointing gesture right as my mom was turning her face back towards me and I caught her in the eye. She had to make a visit to the emergency room, and there is now a picture of her with an unattractive eye patch on in my family photo album.
#3: My dad would come to pick up my brother and me on Saturday mornings to hang out for the weekend. When I was old enough to sit in the front seat as my brother already could, being two years older than me, we would take turns sitting in the front. For some reason, I hated sitting in the back seat, so whenever it was my turn, I would have a severe breakdown in the middle of the front lawn, throwing my head back and screaming at the clouds for justice. At some point, after many days of public tantrums on the front lawn, my mom gathered me up and whispered to me that throwing my head back and screaming like that made me look like an idiot. I supposedly never did it again.
#2: My mom had always complained about me being a slow dresser in the mornings. Sometimes it would take me 10 minutes to put on a sock. So one day when it was time to go to school and I wasn't really dressed quite yet, she told me to suck it up, we're getting in the car now. Excuse me, mom! I cannot go to school in my pajamas! She threw me into the backseat of her car. How could you do this to me! (Hysterical, desperate sobbing.) Pulling up to my elementary school, she turned towards my tear-stained face and handed me a bag of clothes. "You'll never do that again, now, will you?" I changed in the car in less than five minutes.
For the record, I have an entirely different memory of the events that took place in this next scenario.
#1: When we were kids, my brother and I shared a room and a bunk bed. I always had the bottom bunk, which was fine by me because it was queen sized and I could spread out my arms and legs everywhere. My brother obviously had the top bunk, which was just twin sized. One night, while I was asleep, my brother became sick and threw his head over the side of his bed to vomit, which landed on my blanket and my self.
MY STORY: I woke up totally grossed out and ran to the bathroom to wash the gunk off of me.
MY MOM'S/BROTHER'S STORY: I rolled over and fell back asleep, but was then awoken by my mom who told me I was sleeping in vomit before I became totally grossed out and ran to the bathroom to wash the gunk off of me.
I refuse to believe this. I refuse. I have been punked.
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