Almost Freedom

Well, I finally came out to my mom about wanting to move eventually, and I have to say, I was very smooth about it. I was asking her what "solar heating" means, because I was reading it on Trulia home descriptions, and she says, "Why, are you going to move?" And I say, "Eventually. If I accumulate money the way I have been, I think I'll be able to put down 20% for something around 2017," which implies that I don't want to live with her without actually saying it. After some time passes, she comes back to me and says she's glad I told her my plans because now she won't be able to go on any more vacations, so she can save up for the three years I have left here. That makes me sad, because she's my main vacation buddy, but I think that'll be fair for both of us. I don't feel like I'll be abandoning her this way, staying for 3 years (ugh, so long), and she has plenty of time to prepare herself financially. But not being able to go on vacations and knowing that I don't want to live with her for the rest of my days is going to make her sad, and therefore me sad.

As an unforeseen consequence, I will need a new travel buddy for the coming years. I WANT TO GO PLACES. Then there's this nagging in the back of my head to look for a new boyfriend. However, I'm still at the point where I don't trust men, that they're all sleezy scumbags. ALL OF THEM. Look at the media. None of them are trustworthy. Cheating is commonplace. Monogamy is a myth. I have absolutely no optimism regarding future relationships. When I was in my last one, I thought I felt happy when I was with him, but if he wasn't around, all of this doubt and distrust swept over me (with good reason) and lead to a lot of stress. That's not happiness at all. I feel very happy by myself; I don't even feel lonely. But I worry that I might have been ruined trust-wise for all future men, though I hope that's not the case. Either way, when I feel my baby clock go off I'm going to have a baby whether I have someone else or not. Sperm donation! Why not?